when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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