Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
