This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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