I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My liver is preforming stress tests.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
