had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
