if you like me you must not know who I am
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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