Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
