Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
