Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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