Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
