How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
