My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i drank out of a bidet.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
