No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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