wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
