I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
