I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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