you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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