my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
