Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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