u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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