I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
