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• (972): View more from Texas

  So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.

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• (254): View more from Texas

  oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom

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• (707): View more from California

  I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  What changed your mind?

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  Being sober

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  You rock my world.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?

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• (917): View more from New York City

  What the hell happened to my hand?

  (646): View more from New York

  Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.

  (313): View more from Michigan

  21 new emails...yikes

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is

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• (941): View more from Florida

  We still getting married? Or were you day drinking

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.

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