Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
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