There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
