My liver just broke up with me...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
