Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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