so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
