Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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