goodnight i made you a song goodbye
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
