Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize