Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
