He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
