U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
