I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
