I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
