Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
