I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
