my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize