i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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