I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
