We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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