Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
