spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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