he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This house was built for laser tag.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize