he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize