Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
