OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
sarcasm needs its own font
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
