Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
