im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Are we still banned from the library?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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