I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
