So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
