he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
