I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
