im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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