Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
