I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
why is half of my head shaved?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
