Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
