Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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