we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
