I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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