Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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