STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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