Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
