She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
