we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
