im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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